It’s that feeling of being knocked in the gut so hard that you can’t breath or speak. You’ve done something you know you should not have done. You checked up on your ex’s social media and saw the unthinkable. Another woman. You just found out he is dating someone new so what is your next move inside?
This feeling is pretty high up there amongst the top worst feelings ever. Like losing your job or getting some bad news from the doctor. Yes, it feels that awful. It’s normal to have the urge to crawl into a deep hole and never come out again. You could allow your mind to run wild and overflow with pity and self-loathing. You could go lie in bed and bawl for longer than you’d like to admit to anyone.
Because I’ve faced this despicable feeling multiple times in my love life, I can tell you that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. With everything in life, the right coping skill can make all the difference.
Here are some steps:
- (Don’t stuff it down) – You feel hurt. You feel rejected. You feel less than. You feel awful. Grab that journal, pen and paper, or word processing document and let it all flow out. Allow every last thought that comes to your mind flow out of your mind and onto the paper. Don’t hold back anything because you will be the only person to read this journal entry. Write for thirty minutes to an hour until there are no more thoughts that come up over this situation. The act of journaling is extremely cathartic and can help you remove the thoughts that would have been swimming around for days inside of your head. Now it’s time to increase the quality of the thoughts.
- (Reframing) – This relationship was over for a reason. Something about the relationship was broken on simply not right for you. The sooner you can accept this fact and continue to take action steps toward your own goals, the better you will be. Spending time moping over a person who has clearly moved on is going to hold you back from your own love destiny. Realize that your number one criteria is that the person wants you and sees you as their one and only. If this ex does not see you as such than he is simply not within your criteria anymore. This mindset suggests that you must get out there and find the person who does want you and only you. That person is out there. What steps can you take today to move closer to that unknown person?
- (Reflect) – This is the time to get really clear on what you want in your next partner. Write down the fifteen qualities you want and the three top deal breakers. Then check in with yourself to make sure that you have a healthy outlook on finding love.
Take your relationship fitness temperature by asking yourself this series of questions:
1) Do I deserve a great partner whom I’m attracted to and whom I respect greatly
2) Will I truly be able to find love?
3) Am I enough to attract a great partner just as I am?
If you are not answering these questions with high level confidence, it’s a hint that some self-loving is in order. You must believe to achieve. You must know that you are worthy of love to attract and maintain a high-quality relationship with a high-quality partner.
Love thyself. You have everything inside of you right now to heal yourself and to attract and keep the right partner. It’s when we are fully in acceptance of ourselves that we are most attractive to a high quality partner who wants to admire and adore us back.
Make a list of any doubts that came up during the question exercise above and keep them in your journal. Make a list of what you think may be holding you back from love. What can you do today to improve any of your perceived shortcomings?
As soon you start to take action toward improving these items, you will feel better about the items. This helps you project higher quality energetic projections out into the world to attract higher quality people into your life. Lastly, wrap your arms around yourself in a deep embrace for six seconds. Close your eyes. Give yourself a loving hug of acceptance and tell yourself that you are worthy of love just as you are right now. Do this every day for at least thirty days.
By now you have the action steps to take to face the dreaded moment when the one you are hanging onto has moved on to someone new. This is a turning point in your healing process. It’s a hint that it’s your turn to take the steps to move on and go find the love that’s yours.