My lovely ladies,
When you are dating and looking for the right man, it is easy to crave the closeness of another person and want to be near someone. I completely understand how it may be easy to fall into bed with a man that you find attractive. However, I suggest you learn how to control these impulses and approach sex a little more strategically if you want to spare yourself time and unnecessary heartache.
Becoming sexually intimate too soon is the catalyst to expectations which change the dynamic of, and are damaging to, the early relationship.
As woman, we can easily get pulled under, as the oxytocin – the bonding chemical in our brains, starts flowing.
What sucks is that it’s the men we are really attracted to and feel the best with who are the ones that we end up sleeping with too soon. The relationship then heads south and, once again, were are back out there dating boring dudes we don’t like as much.
Maybe the man we sleep with too soon was one of the more boring men and we felt safe sleeping with him only to find him less boring due to our brain chemistry and we get sucked under, yet again, and possibly dumped by the boring dude.
Nothing bad can come from holding off sexually; in fact, holding out will give you the opportunity to grow a friendship with this person, based on everything but sex.
The growth of a friendship lays the cement for a healthy relationship going forward. You then know that you know you are in your relationship for the right reasons – And so does he.
“How do I slow things down?”, you ask. “How can I not sleep with a man after a certain number of dates?”.
Here are a few tips to keep from sleeping with him too soon:
1) Keep all physical acts to a minimum. Kiss him sometimes, but lightly, and let him crave the feel of of your touch. Let smaller intimate gestures become a special treat for him.
2) Keep a “boy-toy”. Have someone in your life for physical pleasure that you do not want to marry
3) Mind over matter – meditate, do yoga, get massages and work on other forms of self-love so that you are less physically needy.
4) Do not go to his home, or sleep in bed or on a couch together, until you’re certain you have his heart. The oxytocin will flow for you, just from a snuggle-fest, and you may become attached and lose valuable footing.
* If he doesn’t want to stick around and be patient then you have your answer right then and there. One less notch on your bed post.
When you feel like you can’t hold off any longer, please
remember that you don’t owe him a damn thing. Remember just how easily men can flip that switch and turn on you, leaving, just like the ghosts of men-past.
Did those men feel they owed you?
If you would like some more dating inspiration, encouragement, and guidelines, join us in our strong community of sisters The Sovereign Jewel Sisterhood and Be Adored! I can’t wait to see you there.
See you in Love!